Just came across this video awhile ago…..such an amazing study “Words can be weapons” the statement in itself is strong enough to get anyone thinking.
It seems so ordinary, just like a routine when we respond to someone out of irritation or frustration in anger, our one sentence can make the person quiet and give us the relief that we wanted but do we ever look at the other side of the picture? No we don’t because we are so engrossed in the moment that we don’t even bother to notice how the expressions of the other person changed and what they felt with your apparently subtle statement or a comment.
Children are mostly the victims or this carelessness of parents, it is much easier to shut them off and one doesn’t even get the pangs of guilt in the remotest of moments because they are your kids totally dependent on you and at your disposal to be treated the way you want. And when they grow up and it turns out that they don’t really respect you or care enough you go into retrospect but still cannot figure out where you went wrong, this feeling is found to be too common at least in the collectivist culture, but am sure parents are all the same everywhere, their love is universal.
It is very important to know how children learn or the way they are molded, you subtlest gesture means a lot to them and is ingrained somewhere in their psyche, the father of Psychoanalytic Psychology Sigmund Freud would hold you responsible even if your baby, as an adult, is keeping his room obsessively clean. Margret Mahler would have asked you to consider changing the way you respond to the emotional needs of your child if your child gets anxious for even a moment in you absence. And James Marcia would have definitely asked you take a step back from your child and take some deep breaths if your adolescent is going through identity issues.
It is the parenting that is responsible for many of our adult behaviors, the child is dependent and unaware when he/she comes to this world, the connection to the world is established through the parents. It is not that you leave them all to their will, give them lessons when they go wrong and show them the right ways, teach them manners and courtesy, above all kindness. But do it by inculcating these attributes in yourself first. So we have to watch how we teach them, and if you look closely its just a matter of a few years then they are capable enough to explore the world themselves, they would just need you at their back. Be the kind of support that they are proud to have you at your back and can rely on you…..
Video courtesy O&M Beijing, image courtesy google.com