Professionalism vs being a human

It is strange but true that for many of us, life comes in sharp blacks and whites, there isn’t any grey no matter how much we stress that a lot lies in grey. We grow up to be adults who are too sure and confident of what we have become but seldom do we realize that the values that we have used to shape ourselves up are in conflict with each other and this conflict shapes us up rather than the value itself.

I ventured into the professional life with some very high aims and some very solid convictions….mostly about how honest and dedicated i would be to my work but above all, how present and attached i would remain to my family and friends. It is very important for me to not only be aware of whatever goes on in my family but to be a part of that happening too…..because moments don’t wait for you, they just pass and you never know how late would you know that they have passed and then all you have is regret. This regret is what i don’t want to have in my life so this is the value that i had in my mind when i started out, that i have to give my best to all that i am attached to.

A sound degree, training, and luck got me to my dreams even before i had fully dreamt them, and here i was behind a desk with all the decisions and work in front of me and this interesting chapter started. But i got to hear one thing a lot more than i had ever imagined :/ and this was wrong totally wrong, every time i was balancing my work life and family life, i was told to let go the family part, let it pass because i can never be successful if i keep on compromising important time on the family……..yes like seriously.

Every time i heard this, it kind of like revoked the rebel inside me and i would move a step back from my work, as if i have committed some kind of an act that has hurt my family and so i would get closer to them to make up for it. I just couldn’t absorb the idea of being a mechanical figure that works like a log day in and out and then goes home late all puzzled, not knowing what was up with everyone, exchange a friendly formal dinner, go to bed and leave it early in the morning. I started to observe and i realized that there were many such robots that existed around me, they were highly successful people, devoted, composed, ethical, commendable…..but at the cost of their humanness….and this realization made them appear so repulsive to me.

There are people who have managed and balanced all aspects of their lives with ease and comfort. They are as good at all the things equally, and would work where it is required but would not miss to pass a smile where it is required. And above all, they are flexible and tomorrow does exist for them and this is how they manage their lives. And this is the professional that i wanted to be 🙂

So here i am putting this down knowing what my pet ate last night, the exam that my brother had yesterday, the drive that my dad took today…….and yes my work submissions are on time, and i have answered the emails too 🙂

Do not forget to breath before you take the next step…..we are all humans and trust me we look good being humans so better leave the robot-ness to the machines 😉

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Change!!!

Disclaimer: This is written in pure humor, based on real life events of the writer……read with a light heart 🙂

Ya so it’s the usual me coming out of the class, tired as hell, the weather is all breezy and cloudy with a slight tinge of chill coming in from the nearby hills and there is greenery and this sweet fragrance all around the place that makes you sing happy love songs and brings a lightness to your feet…….see how cheerful i am today even though am tired.

So since i was all happy and everything, i thought lets do something today, something that might have been putting off for long and might be in desperate need of attention, so i recalled being told to change this and that (which i don’t want to mention to spoil my mood :p) about my attitude or personality that i don’t even remember now. SO anyways i thought to myself hey lets try some change today 🙂 

As we know that all things should be done in small steps, like don’t rush so i thought perhaps i could try a new flavor of juice today……it would be a change from my regular brand you see. So i went into the shop, carry all my cheery self with me, and i hummed as i went past my favorite mango juices and stopped at an alien refrigerator and picked up a pomegranate juice pack and quickly walked out, after getting done with the payments.I walked out like a victorious gladiator, my chest high and my trophy of change in my hand i wanted to tell everyone, Dude you know change?? I own it man 😉 I found a nice bench and sat down to savor my change. It seriously felt so good, i felt renewed and i swear the world just looked so bright with the change in my hand…..

I put in the straw, after reveling in the feeling for a while and took a deep breath as i took a huge sip. I gulped it down and all of a sudden the brightness kind of like faded out :/ The change was so tasteless…..i hated it. I was so angry why on all of the days i had to try change in this gorgeous day….after rolling my eyes for a good 5 minutes i went back into the shop and brought my loyal mango juice and the brightness came back and my taste buds and ego were laid to a peaceful rest.

This is exactly what happens to us when we take up something just for the sake of it, or just because someone told us to. We are all unique and different in our own ways…..and it does bug me at times that why can’t we not live with that uniqueness, i mean unless you are disrupting your life or the life of those around you, we have the right to live the way we want, of course with in the parameters of our loved one’s comfort….so the point was that unless we believe that its time for change we cannot change, it has to come from within. It is not a new suit that we can wear and flaunt for a day, its like a tan you pick it up and than have to live with it till it wears off and then eventually you get so used to it that you have to use tanning creams now 🙂

So my learning for today……..i don’t like change i mean pomegranate 😉 lol!!!

For the moment i would like to stay the way i am…..perhaps change is not far away…….but seriously guys what do you put into this pomegranate juice :/

Words can be weapons

Words can be Weapons

Just came across this video awhile ago…..such an amazing study “Words can be weapons” the statement in itself is strong enough to get anyone thinking.

It seems so ordinary, just like a routine when we respond to someone out of irritation or frustration in anger, our one sentence can make the person quiet and give us the relief that we wanted but do we ever look at the other side of the picture? No we don’t because we are so engrossed in the moment that we don’t even bother to notice how the expressions of the other person changed and what they felt with your apparently subtle statement or a comment.

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Children are mostly the victims or this carelessness of parents, it is much easier to shut them off and one doesn’t even get the pangs of guilt in the remotest of moments because they are your kids totally dependent on you and at your disposal to be treated the way you want. And when they grow up and it turns out that they don’t really respect you or care enough you go into retrospect but still cannot figure out where you went wrong, this feeling is found to be too common at least in the collectivist culture, but am sure parents are all the same everywhere, their love is universal.

It is very important to know how children learn or the way they are molded, you subtlest gesture means a lot to them and is ingrained somewhere in their psyche, the father of Psychoanalytic Psychology Sigmund Freud would hold you responsible even if your baby, as an adult, is keeping his room obsessively clean. Margret Mahler would have asked you to consider changing the way you respond to the emotional needs of your child if your child gets anxious for even a moment in you absence. And James Marcia would have definitely asked you take a step back from your child and take some deep breaths if your adolescent is going through identity issues.

It is the parenting that is responsible for many of our adult behaviors, the child is dependent and unaware when he/she comes to this world, the connection to the world is established through the parents. It is not that you leave them all to their will, give them lessons when they go wrong and show them the right ways, teach them manners and courtesy, above all kindness. But do it by inculcating these attributes in yourself first. So we have to watch how we teach them, and if you look closely its just a matter of a few years then they are capable enough to explore the world themselves, they would just need you at their back. Be the kind of support that they are proud to have you at your back and can rely on you…..

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Video courtesy O&M Beijing, image courtesy google.com

Mother’s Day

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Mother’s Day…….i have seen people debating on why wish your mom today when you can’t spare a moment rest of the year, or why not go and hug your mom at any moment and so on and so forth……well i’d say that we do actually hug our moms everyday we all do but we don’t bring her flowers  everyday nor do we let her rest and shower her with gifts what wrong in having a day for that.

Mothers are there to be celebrated, they are the very reason we exist, technically as well as obviously. I can’t imagine to go a day without my mama, if i am away from home i make sure to hear that sweet voice on the phone quite a few times a day, only then can i sleep in peace. She is like an epitome of patience, to listen to all my crazy rants, she has that smile that lights up the dullest of my days and puts bandage on the deepest of my wounds, her voice is like liquor that makes me forget all the troubles of the day. She has such loving bright green eyes that every time they fall on me…i feel like no matter what happens i would always be safe. She always has words of wisdom no matter how awful a problem i come up with….lol…she knows the solution. And ohhh the taste in her hands, the amazing foods that she cooks i have yet to taste anything as magical….

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Image(s) courtesy google.com

From head to toes all that i am is the hard work over the years of my mama, she molded and then held me as i grew and stumbled over the way….she gave me the confidence to stand tall among a group and know my worth. She gave me the confidence to trust my abilities and above all she trusts me more than i can ever trust myself. Its like bit by bit, day by day she transferred some part of herself into me…..i feel like flying high when someone say hey u resemble your mom…its like something out of this world for me.

Now for someone who gives you so much i think the least that we can do is to spare one day and to wish her and celebrate her existence is not that hard to do. So Happy Mother’s Day Mama

Love you loads :*

The Magnolia Flower

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My dad brought me this magnolia flower today……i just held it in my hands, closed my eyes, and took in its fragrance till i had a smile on my face. I had my eyes closed but a scene started forming through haze in my vision; i could see a small cottage, lush lawns that went into the adjoining river……the loud splashing sound of the clear ice cold water as it went growling over a bed of small round stones is all around me, along with my auditory sense, a very pleasant yet sharp fragrance was all over this lawn it was so dreamy like an addiction…..and the lawn is full of trees, peaches, apples, loquat, and the floral’s out of which one tree is in abundance, its short and stout and has large to medium sized shiny leaves, that almost seemed like they have been greased to look this sleek 😀

The tree has large heavy looking white flowers with yellow centers having flaky needle like pollen that would fall a handful the moment the flowers were touched or rocked and it had these thick broad petals that spread wide away from the pollen, these were the source of that dreamy fragrance….i remember asking my dad that what are these flowers and he had told me this is magnolia, one of the flowers with the most fragrant scent 🙂

I kept on looking at this flower today and was thinking about this scene that happened some 20 or 19 years ago, when we were on a vacation in the swat valley, northern Pakistan, the cottage was the Fishing Hut, Chakdara. 

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This string of thoughts, the connections that our mind makes had always seemed so fascinating its like a river, one thing flowing into the other just like a pre-existing connection and every tributary mixes to form a new river. Life is a series of similar connection, we are all tied unto each other via known and unknown connections…..amazing isn’t it? 🙂

Humbleness……

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Have you ever thought that how would life or a scenario be if you were not a part of it……it might sound crazy be for a moment imagine, what if you were not a part of this moment, not sitting on this bed or couch, not hearing these sounds from the lounge or the birds outside your window…..you not being a part of the life of the people that you love.

Scary isn’t it :s

This thought often scares me….makes me shiver out of this feeling of not being known or not being in my comfort zone, amongst my people. There are many things that we go without thinking about, not acknowledging, not praising, and many a times not even realizing how blessed we are. This feeling makes me thankful for all that I have. Life is precious….

Now imagine not having some loved one in your life……..won’t make it too dramatic, just imagine not getting your daily coffee from the waiter who served you for an year or so, that would feel uncomfortable for a while right, and imagine it’s not someone whom you love it’s just someone whom you are used to. How horrible would that feel? Like I said life is precious but people who make our lives are even more precious. The little kid tugging at you jeans in the market while he looks for his mother, a youngster smoking weed somewhere in the street, a teenager fretting over her fizzy hair, to the old beggar on the road going around in his rags…….all of them are a part of someone’s life, they make someone’s life matter, they make someone’s effort for a living real.

Love yourself because this is how you would make the most of your life but love those around you more because they are the ones who bring substance into your life. Value those around you and you would see your own life finding substance. Keep smiling and spread the positivity 🙂