Love, relationships, marriage, and kids…….these are the things that most kids have on their minds the moment they enter adolescence, thanks to the media and social media. But come to think of it did we grow up with the same mind or were we different and if we were, what were our parents doing differently than what we are doing to our kids?
Time never stops; it just goes past us as fiercely as it can manage while we are still stuck at thinking about its possibilities and wishing for it to comply with our own yearnings. When we are children, we can’t wait to reach the teenage so that we can feel all grown up and independent, the minute teenage comes we all start looking ahead to the 20’s and the allure of adulthood takes us away. And when we are adults we have no idea why we wanted it so badly….it’s like being stuck in quicksand and not knowing what to do, the more we struggle the deeper we sink in. Do you know why this happens? Because we have so far been looking ahead only, we never actually learned to live in the present; we never take out time to look down at where our feet are at the moment, in time, in space like Albert Ellis states that us humans are irrational we can’t focus on the present. We learn to look ahead and beyond, and when adulthood comes we don’t really know what else to look forward to because we have developed this schema, the Jungian concept, that adulthood is the solution to all our problems, it’s like visualizing a gate without knowing the key to its door. Looking at the youngsters today I do get this feeling more and more that they are just looking ahead and skimming their way through their prized childhood not knowing what the future holds for them.
Adulthood dawned upon me when I realized for the first time that my father gets tired now if he has to do consistent work, and my mother has to wear glasses to read the paper…..i mean how can they get tired or be dependent, they are the super heroes, my super heroes who I have always turned to for all the help. They are like my survival kits, they are always there when nothing else is so how can they get tired??
We forget while growing up that our parents are growing old and once we realize it, it is a fear trust me a huge one because we don’t want to see them getting old……I mean come on they are the super heroes. But what makes me happy is that I did not think about what to do with myself, which means my parents must have done some hard work on me. I have had a very blessed childhood where I lived in the present at every moment I have lived it all and I have no one but my parents to thank for this. They made sure that we had family vacations in summers and winters where we would all be together, they ensured that we ate together and watched tv together. These seem like little things as I come from a collectivistic culture but to me they seem really huge things, it let me keep my own personality as well as helped me accept and accommodate that of every member of my family, we learnt to give space as well as own each other. It’s a process not a solution to our adult crisis. It is the way we are molded by our parents till early teenage and then the way we perceive and interpret events from late teenage onwards that make us who we are. I do agree strongly with the concepts of developmental psychologists on their stance on the early developmental stance of parents and their effects on children but I also agree to the concept of ‘good me’ ‘bad me’ and ‘not me’ presented by Sullivan that talks about our cognitive understanding and interpretation of events and their effects on our personality.
As we grow up we tend to externalize a lot of feelings by associating them to someone else, in simple words by putting blames on those around us, this happened because of that person’s that act or that happened because that person made me do that. This is most of us live our entire lives and then as adult life comes we have no idea what to do with ourselves because what lies ahead is old age that we definitely don’t want to look at and we don’t know what to do with the current adult us. Whereas the only concern that we should have is about our parents, we should be concerned that they need us more now, we should think on what more can we get now, it should be on what can we give now. Raising children is like an exam a really tough one, with the results that do not only impact the parents but the coming generations. I is a challenge but not a really tough one just reflect on how you were raised and you would get all the answers the world has changed in terms of technology now you are changing it in terms of values so do watch out for the changes that might make you cringe in the long term……I wish all the young parents loads of luck and I hope non raises a confused child.