The Magic of Spring

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Spring is love…….its the season of hope and a reminder that no matter what happens, no matter where things go everything would eventually fall into its place and things would turn all colorful and bright in the end.

We do manage to find color even in the dullest of places if we have the intend to look for it so how can an eye miss the color that sprouts out of even the thickest brown barks and spread its fragrance far and beyond. I have always been fascinated by spring, be it the first blossom or the first bud of petunias or the first pansy flower it all grew on me like a feeling that made me sing and dance around and rejoice. I remember twirling under the willow trees and looking up at the sky as the wind blew my dress, i used to be feel like a little princess out of the disney stories, and it felt like the birds and butterflies sang with me. This is how spring still feels to me, the difference is just that back then i was around 6 or 7 years old, so i still go out and smile at the blossoms and smell the roses and stare at the petunias for hours but the birds don’t sing anymore because am not a disney princess u know 🙂

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Images courtesy of google.com

I wonder at times that how beautiful those times were, when children used to grow up with an imagination they would have books in their hands and dreams in their eyes. Now they have ipads in their hands and dark circles around their eyes :/

It is pretty easy to talk about the changing values and the changing society, the acculturation that has lead to no-culture-at-all-situation didn’t just happen in a day, it took an entire generation to be born and raised like this. Hmmmm i lost my track…..so i was talking about spring YES its here again and it has grown all over me and am loving it.

So here is to hope and love and to all the beauty that spring holds let us all absorb it and ensure ourselves that every autumn is always followed by spring……..no matter how prolonged the autumn is it has to eventually give in to the slow tugs of spring and make ways for it to turn the earth into a floral garden. Just hold on to that hope for a little longer and then see how everything sings and dances on your tunes 🙂

In the words of P. B. Shelly

“If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?”

Compulsions or Struggles

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Image courtesy google.com

Have you ever noticed how relaxing it is to click your pen while you are getting bored during a lecture or how you suddenly start wringing your fingers or cracking your knuckles, under the table, without even realizing when you go in for a job interview or a viva exam?

Do you notice the foot that you keep on shaking while watching the tv? Or perhaps you might have noticed yourself stepping carefully over floor tiles while walking all busy in your thoughts…..

We do so because we are trying to get our minds off one thing or the other…..it’s like warding off the stress the anxiety, telling ourselves that ok all is well move on to other stuff and then over the time it becomes a habit more like our second nature we just do so to ensure that all is going well around, like we have some sort of control on whatever is going around us. Humans like to keep a hold to the things going on around them, they like it when everything goes the way they predict or want it to be. They like to feel that everything is within their grip, and there is nothing wrong in this at all….it’s just the human nature of predicting and assuming and the need to be aware.

For some of us these stresses or anxieties might go out of bounds, way out of what we expect things to be and how we would want our lives to be as the stress goes up so do our defenses…….as the frustration and helplessness increases so does our frantic efforts to take charge again. We might be  trying too hard to be brave, to know that we would fix the things, to make sure that we know how to go about the situation but in the end we are all humans aren’t we and this is life……so yes we might slow down for a while, we slow down to rise again. We slow down to take charge again…..these are the times when we have slowed down that these stress warding behaviors take charge of us because they make us feel in control, they make us feel that ok there is at least something that we can control, perhaps we can lock the doors to keep the stress out, or count the stairs to make the impending threat appear smaller, or repeat a ritual to make sure that at least we are playing our part. It is ok to make an effort as long as we don’t give up……as a student of psychology I have realized over time that the problem is not the excess of a behavior, it’s not even the effects it has on our life….the real problem is not knowing what we are doing and that we need to stop. The rest of it is all a struggle to fight yourself off but you would begin to struggle only after you realize that you are doing something that is not working for you. Of course it is easier said than done…..but believe me once you realize what you are doing you should also know that you have been BRAVE for a very long time and now is the time for others to know that too. You need help, well who won’t need a bit of that we all do and a lot of faith in yourself, the help would keep you going, it could be you life partner, your friends, family, or your shrink, whatever it is, it would let you stay focused…..so just hold on.

So next time you find yourself counting tiles on your bathroom floor or the dots on a wall do not be surprised just know that you are trying your best to hold on and you are doing it pretty well. I like to put the hangers in wardrobe at equal distances, it just makes me feel like the clothes won’t get all creased up by being together…..like being out of each other’s space, I just noticed it….

Raising a generation

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Love, relationships, marriage, and kids…….these are the things that most kids have on their minds the moment they enter adolescence, thanks to the media and social media. But come to think of it did we grow up with the same mind or were we different and if we were, what were our parents doing differently than what we are doing to our kids?

Time never stops; it just goes past us as fiercely as it can manage while we are still stuck at thinking about its possibilities and wishing for it to comply with our own yearnings. When we are children, we can’t wait to reach the teenage so that we can feel all grown up and independent, the minute teenage comes we all start looking ahead to the 20’s and the allure of adulthood takes us away. And when we are adults we have no idea why we wanted it so badly….it’s like being stuck in quicksand and not knowing what to do, the more we struggle the deeper we sink in. Do you know why this happens? Because we have so far been looking ahead only, we never actually learned to live in the present; we never take out time to look down at where our feet are at the moment, in time, in space like Albert Ellis states that us humans are irrational we can’t focus on the present. We learn to look ahead and beyond, and when adulthood comes we don’t really know what else to look forward to because we have developed this schema, the Jungian concept, that adulthood is the solution to all our problems, it’s like visualizing a gate without knowing the key to its door. Looking at the youngsters today I do get this feeling more and more that they are just looking ahead and skimming their way through their prized childhood not knowing what the future holds for them.

Adulthood dawned upon me when I realized for the first time that my father gets tired now if he has to do consistent work, and my mother has to wear glasses to read the paper…..i mean how can they get tired or be dependent, they are the super heroes, my super heroes who I have always turned to for all the help. They are like my survival kits, they are always there when nothing else is so how can they get tired??

We forget while growing up that our parents are growing old and once we realize it, it is a fear trust me a huge one because we don’t want to see them getting old……I mean come on they are the super heroes. But what makes me happy is that I did not think about what to do with myself, which means my parents must have done some hard work on me. I have had a very blessed childhood where I lived in the present at every moment I have lived it all and I have no one but my parents to thank for this. They made sure that we had family vacations in summers and winters where we would all be together, they ensured that we ate together and watched tv together. These seem like little things as I come from a collectivistic culture but to me they seem really huge things, it let me keep my own personality as well as helped me accept and accommodate that of every member of my family, we learnt to give space as well as own each other. It’s a process not a solution to our adult crisis. It is the way we are molded by our parents till early teenage and then the way we perceive and interpret events from late teenage onwards that make us who we are. I do agree strongly with the concepts of developmental psychologists on their stance on the early developmental stance of parents and their effects on children but I also agree to the concept of ‘good me’ ‘bad me’ and ‘not me’ presented by Sullivan that talks about our cognitive understanding and interpretation of events and their effects on our personality.

As we grow up we tend to externalize a lot of feelings by associating them to someone else, in simple words by putting blames on those around us, this happened because of that person’s that act or that happened because that person made me do that. This is most of us live our entire lives and then as adult life comes we have no idea what to do with ourselves because what lies ahead is old age that we definitely don’t want to look at and we don’t know what to do with the current adult us. Whereas the only concern that we should have is about our parents, we should be concerned that they need us more now, we should think on what more can we get now, it should be on what can we give now. Raising children is like an exam a really tough one, with the results that do not only impact the parents but the coming generations. I is a challenge but not a really tough one just reflect on how you were raised and you would get all the answers the world has changed in terms of technology now you are changing it in terms of values so do watch out for the changes that might make you cringe in the long term……I wish all the young parents loads of luck and I hope non raises a confused child.

The Illumination

Moments of reflection are known to be illuminators that light up the dark alleys of our convoluted minds……they are yearned for by many to get a clearer perspective about who they are what they are and what they should be. But the irony is that we don’t even know what and when is the appropriate moment and the right way for a reflection.

It’s a moment of awakening that strikes us and suddenly all the smoke starts to shifts…..it comes after we have been tried hard, after we reach the point where we start to doubt all that we are and all that we are capable of. It is that weak moment that makes us lose all the hope, like a crippling soul we give all up and know that this is the end of what we saw as our own…the edge of the labyrinth after we have stopped stumbling all over it. And then we have an awakening like a sudden flash of light everything becomes clear…no we do not find the solution neither do we find an escape, we simply just take up the responsibility, we know that it’s us who have to stand up because we don’t actually have much to lose do we, like all along all we have is our own soul. We accept the challenges and give in to the nature’s will knowing that whatever comes out of it all would be good for me….all would end well eventually.

Lives of individuals are not mechanical; they don’t run under a rule, they are not moving in precise sequential stages…..one man’s sorrow might be another’s comfort. We can’t change and bend at one uphill in our life if we have a straight unbending or turning road behind and ahead of us. I don’t know much about the rules of success but I do know about the rule to satisfaction and that would be flexibility….be unwavering from what you believe in but be flexible enough to listen to what others say, maintain your individuality but create space for others to breath around you…..in the end it won’t matter how many people were happy with you but how many people were you happy around would matter more. We all live according to scripts, some are predetermined and some are formed by us all differently, individually for ourselves….they are our real strength, but of course with flexibility.

Have been hearing a lot recently about reflection, look in, dig in, dive deep, stir it all, move it all, shift it all, and transform it all……but it is not mechanical, we try and then laugh out because we know it does not work until that moment comes….so we have to wait for the right moment that we all have waiting for us J

The Pleasure of Agnoy

There is this tendency in us humans to inflict pain upon ourselves….

It’s not masochistic, it doesn’t give pleasure, it only gives pain….

But it’s like an addiction that we can’t contain yet we can’t refrain from….

We keep on scratching the wounds like a habit knowing how it would end still we do it under a veil of pretentious comfort…

It numbs the body like riding on a fast swing but still we humans keep on going back to it again and again…

I wonder at times, that of all the things why would we get addicted to pain???

Why would we choose to lie down in front of a sawing machine every time but it happens and we choose it ourselves…..

It’s what we feed our ego to perhaps know we have tried or are trying by taking responsibility….

But it grows as it feeds till it engulfs us all together…